Listen ladies, I know some of you have morals and deep concerns about this but the age old question “Do you take money for sex”? The answer: HELL YES! Now I’m not saying go sling your pussy like crack in Harlem but if someone offers you need to take it. Don’t be a dumb ass chick like those whores from Sex and the City who fuck for free and think they are women who have some empowerment getting banged off doggy style while the guys laughs and skeets in your weave. Remember, we are not suggesting that you sell the pussy, but if I drop $200.00 on the nightstand just remember: The gas and light man should be paid by any man!

SACRAMENTO–Jackie Christie, wife of NBA star Doug Christie, refused to let a female doctor save her husband’s life Saturday when he nearly choked to death during a dinner at the Pilothouse Restaurant in Sacramento . Christie frantically screamed for a doctor after her husband began gagging on a chicken bone, but when Clarissa Jordan, a 41-year-old female doctor, rushed to his aid, Christie grew agitated. She reportedly told Jordan to “back off” even as Doug’s face turned purple and his breath came out in short, labored gasps.

Bystanders watched in horror as Jackie Christie calmly waited for a male patron to save her husband’s life. Luckily, Sanjay Mehta, a local medical student who was sitting at the bar in an adjacent room, was able to apply the Heimlich maneuver just in time to avert a tragedy. The chicken bone came up, and Jackie defended her decision not to let a female doctor save her husband.

“Miss Clarissa Jordan, or whatever her name is, came running over like a poodle in heat,” said Christie. “I could tell she was lusting after my husband, which is why I wouldn’t let her near him. Sure, she’s a doctor, but that’s a great way to get her little tongue down my husband’s throat. Believe me, I’m no fool. Plus, my husband would never want a female doctor saving his life. He’d feel too guilty having another woman lay her hands on him. He’d rather die. I’m sure of it. ”

Bystanders reported that Christie was not satisfied to simply wave Jordan away. Instead, she began beating the woman with her purse until the horrified doctor fled in terror. Christie said those claims were exaggerated, but did admit to “getting physical with her.”

“I wouldn’t say I beat her that hard. I just was trying to deter her from her ultimate goal of having sex with my dying husband,” said Christie. “Yes, I hit her a couple time with my purse, but I had to. The woman was relentless! She kept saying ‘He’s going to die! He’s going to die!’ And I was like ‘Whatever, bitch. Keep your hands to yourself.’”

After Jordan fled the scene, another female attempted to call 9-1-1, but she, too, was thwarted by Jackie Christie. The women, 29-year-old waitress Cheryl Malcolm, insisted that she was jus t trying to help.

“After that woman [Jordan] got beat up, I realized Doug was still choking,” she said. “So I ran over, grabbed my cell phone and started dialing 9-1-1. Then [Christie] slapped the phone out of my hand and told me to mind my business and stop looking at her husband like that. I had no idea what she was talking about. I would never look at that guy in a sexual way. Gross.”

After Malcolm was turned away, it looked like the end for Doug Christie. The Kings forward lay in a heap on the floor, his face bulging and red, his fists clenched, and his throat clogged with a large chicken bone, while Jackie sat with her arms folded and waited.

“I don’t know the Heimlich maneuver or anything like that, so I didn’t want to try anything that would hurt my baby,” said Christie. “I was getting a l ittle nervous, especially when his eyes started bulging out of his head, but I knew if I waited long enough, some guy would come along and save him. If not, Doug would have been killed. But it’s Ok. I made him promise to come back and haunt me after he dies.”

Dr. Mehta was summoned into the room by a frantic patron who witnessed the choking. After he administered the Heimlich to Christie, he noted that if another moment had passed, Doug would’ve surely perished.

“I am extremely surprised that this man’s wife did now allow Miss Jordan to save his life,” said Mehta. “If another minute had gone by, he would surely be dead. In my country, this mad woman would have her hands cut off and her vageena sewn shut.”

After being revived, Doug hugged his wife and breathed a sigh of relief. He thanked Dr. Mehta for saving his life, and recalled the final moments before he was rescued.

“Whew, that was a close call,” said Christie, wiping the sweat off his brow. “I actually saw scenes from my life flashing by. The funny thing was that my wife was in all of the scenes, even the ones from my childhood before I met her. She was just there in the background with her arms folded, shaking her head disapprovingly. Huh. I bet a shrink would have a field day with that one, huh? A male shrink, of course.”

After thanking Dr. Mehta, Christie also offered some words of gratitude to his wife.

“Although I am glad to be alive, I’m equally glad that my wife spared me the indignity of having another woman give me the Heimlich,” he continued. “That would’ve been catastrophic. Even if I had lived, what kind of life what tha t have been, knowing that I looked at, and briefly touched, another woman? I guess it would be kind of a normal life, actually. Anyway, that’s the last time I ever eat chicken.”

In order to avoid future incidents like the one that took place at the Pilothouse, the Christies have decided never to eat in a public place again.

“There’s a lot of danger to eating in public,” said Doug. “The outside world is fraught with peril. You never know, you could be sitting there eating, minding your business, and a chicken bone could get lodged in your throat causing you to need assistance from a female doctor or paramedic. Don’t laugh. It happened to us, and it could happen to you.”

A Kentucky woman is facing prostitution charges for allegedly trading sex for gasoline. Angela Eversole, 34, was nabbed last weekend during a police stakeout at a Days Inn, where she allegedly trysted with customer Kenneth Nowak. According to SMOKING GUN.COM, Nowak admitted paying for Eversole’s services, in part, with a $100 Speedway gas card.

PRESSPRICKS WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT SUCKING DICK FOR UNLEADED AND A SLURPEE IS NOT GOOD BUSINESS.

Presspricks.com has learned the Hovy Hov has been taking monies from his workers at his nightclubs. Apparently, the $380 million dollar empire we know as Jay-Z is accused of making his waitresses pay for “walk-outs” and has some employees working for tips only.  Although our staff loves Jigga, we don’t understand why he would do these sweat shop practices. I guess he is an American Gangster after all. If you want more of the story please go to NYPOST.COM

It has been reported that the riches athlete in the world was caught creeping out of Madonna’s Central Park Condo like a thief in the night. US WEEKLY has the full story but we see the marriage of Guy Ritchie as a waste. What idiot would marry Madonna? She has more miles on that pu*sy than a 84′ Camry!

Today, The 2nd amendment has been distorted for southern country morons to carry concealed firearms in in the airport in Atlanta, GA. Gun nuts want to be able to pack the heat in a crowded airport and yet want to fight terrorist. GREAT! So let’s say Muhammad has kids in the U.S. and they are citizens. Then they have a right to bring those guns to the airport and blow our fucking brains out because they are the sleeper cells that were born in America.

These are the same people that scream “fight terrorist” but now want to arm everyone for Armageddon! Southerners should be stripped their right to vote for anything. After all, they brought us George W. Bush!!!!

Sorry Pricksters, This was just too funny to resist. We had to let the world know and understand why on earth she would be with that smurf?

Why in the world is a fine ass M.I.L.F like Janet Jackson going out with a dude short enough to be her son? It can’t be his money because she can buy him with her credit card It’s what I’ve been saying all along, UGLY IS THE NEW FINE! Look at Jay-Z and Beyonce. Ugly guys are the best because they are better to manipulate and the better to get money from. Pretty boys ain’t paying. We should learn something from Janet…..or Miss Jackson if you nasty!!!

Antique fossil rapper Kurtis “drunk uncle” blow walked into the  2008 Michael Strahan/Dreier LLP Charity Golf Tournament dressed like a 14 year old. This is the main reason why you hide all the hard liquor when your uncle comes to the family reunion. This Ma fucka needs to realize that he is in his 50’s and put this hat and gang signs away…..GET YOUR GROWN MAN ON POP_POP!!!!

Ladies, just think. You grew up with your best friend all your life and now she is asking for your booty like a drunk dude in the club! Out of no where she watches you change into your favorite dress before going out and she tells you how sexy you are……and tells you how you look in certain light…then, then, then she KISSES you and throws you on the bed and looks deep into you eyes and says…….I WANT YOU…….

LADIES, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY OR DO AT THAT MOMENT?